Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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