I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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