Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
