we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
