Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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