we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
