A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
