the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
