life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my god I love twenty year old dicks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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