I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
