Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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