Can i not drive my cunt home
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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