first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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