Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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