Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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