Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/