That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
