I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.