If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.