I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got inside last night via doggy door
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms