hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
what food is Colorado known for?