I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
