Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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