I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
