I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
