my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
