i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
