I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you had me at cake vodka
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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