her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
