We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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