i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
