ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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