Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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