I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize