i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
