Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
