I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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