i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
