Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
