In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
