Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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