Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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