So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
