Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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