I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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