i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
