the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
