Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
