I cockslap morals
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
