Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
