I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
