I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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