he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
