Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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