Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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