I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
