No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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