I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
