Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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