I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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