but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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