I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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