You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize