All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
