It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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