Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
