I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
