If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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