The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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