I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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