Kiss
Puke
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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