that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just gargled with NyQuil
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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