We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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