put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
