Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
