Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
